I have always been known for being independent. I think quite a lot of people see me as ambitious, so they know that if I want something, then I'll try my hardest to go out and get it. Throughout my life I have often been 'the organiser', 'the planner' or friends will say 'she'll sort something', and in all honesty, I haven't had a problem with that. I accept that if I want to see some people or do certain things, then I need to be the proactive one. Don't get me wrong, I do also have some lovely people in my life that constantly surprise me with their spontaneity and imaginative ideas - but you have to be prepared to give and take.
If you have read my recent posts, or follow me on Twitter then you'll know that I went through a big break up, moved out of our home together, left my job, and moved to London. Jeez - saying that out load makes me understand my mental state right now. So a lot has been going on recently, and I've had an amazing support system around me to deal with all of those things. Yet, I am so aware that friends and family can only help you so much in life. You need to be prepared to tackle some bits of life on your lonesome, as this will only prepare you for harder challenges that come your way in the future. I am by no means saying that I have achieved this, but I sure as hell am trying to.
Being single, unemployed and in a new city is a challenge, but I knew full well that if I didn't take the plunge then I would regret it forever. I would so much rather feel super shitty right now, and look back on this in a year or two and laugh, rather than never know what could have happened. My parents have always taught me that you should try your hardest to not regret anything as you can't do anything about it. Learn from your mistakes, learn from the heartbreak, learn from spending too much and not having any money left etc. So that's what I'm doing, I'm learning to be alone.
Being alone has such an awful stigma around it - you're high maintenance, you've got issues, you're desperate, you're undesirable - it's ridiculous. Do you think I want to spend my evenings in on my own? Of course I don't, but the difference is, I'm learning to be okay with it, with my own company. If I can't spend time on my own, with my own thoughts and dreams, then why on earth would anyone else want to? I know it sounds cliche, but I need to keep reminding myself that everything (within reason) does happen for a reason, and if being alone is the consequence, then I will make it work.
I always thought that people were joking when they said that you can be lonely in a crowd, even though you're surrounded by people. I get it now. London is a fantastic place with something exciting on every corner, but unless you put yourself out there to explore it, then you won't know. I guess you have a choice - are you ignorant to everything going on, or do you fully immerse yourself in all the madness? I know there are lots of people I could go see, or new friends I could make, but I need to feel fully confident in myself in order to do so. Friends come and go, some stick around forever, but also you have to be prepared for 'temporary friendships' along the way. Meeting people, networking, socialising, whatever you want to call it, is good for you. So, when you're ready, go get em'.
So as the seasons are changing, I thought I would end the more beautiful summery weather we have been having recently with a post about how I am changing too. As the rain starts the fall, and everyone goes out to buy a winter coat, I am moving with them. If I don't, I know I'll get left behind. So let's fully kickstart Autumn with a positive attitude and change my thoughts on a few things:
- being in a new city is terrifying, so put yourself out of your comfort zone and go take life by the balls.
- being single doesn't mean you're not worthy of a boyfriend, you're just taking some time to love yourself.
- being unemployed doesn't mean you're useless, you're trying your hardest, and something perfect will eventually come along.